Step Three - Turn everything off and brain dump

Picture from morgueFile free photos

We've never been so busy. When you're at the bus stop or train station, take a look around. Everyone's 'in' their phones - checking emails, playing games, texting, social networking - there's never a moment in which we're not being bombarded with information, photos, videos and messages that require our attention. And that's just one little gadget - such power it has! 

Amongst all that noise, ask yourself - is there a little voice that's being lost?

This is the voice of your needs and desires, being squashed down daily by all the demands of modern life. Your next step to happiness is to turn everything off and listen for a while.

So, phone off (or at least switched to silent, I'm not a complete monster), television off, laptop or tablet put aside. You might just want a pen and a notebook nearby, and if anything urgent occurs to you, note it down to sort out later. You don't want anything nagging away at your mind while you do this exercise. Okay, ready? It's time to do nothing for the first time in ages.

Try it at the bus stop or train station. Put your phone away, take out your headphones and look up. Breathe, relax your shoulders and look around. Listen to what's happening around you (I find listening to other people's conversations particularly entertaining), ask your body how it feels - do you feel well? Is your jaw tense? Relax it. Are you sitting comfortably, or holding yourself unnaturally in one position? Relax. Is there a tension line between your eyebrows from where you've been squinting at your phone? Smile, it does wonders for a tense face.

Look, listen, smell, breathe - and when you feel the lack of stimulation, don't pick your phone back up in panic, because that quiet little space is vital. If you must look at something, have a look at the picture on this blogpost. Imagine yourself sitting by the water. What can you see, and smell, and hear? Resist the temptation to find something to read. Just become empty.

I believe this quietness is something you need if you want to have really great ideas. Good decisions are not born out of anxious minds. 

So, have you achieved a little inner calm in this mad world? Good. Now you're ready to brain dump.

Pick up the notebook and start writing. It can be as simple as a to-do list, or it could be a full-on mission statement.

For example, if you can't think of what to write, here are some ideas:
- Write a list of 100 things you want to do in your life
- Write down all the things that are worrying you
- Write down a list of people you haven't seen in ages whose company you really enjoy
- Write a list of things you'd do if only you had time
- List the books you want to read, the films you want to see, or the plays you'd like to go to

Get it all out onto the paper. Now your brain is free to get on with the serious business of being happier, based on what you've just written. You can either start working your way through your list of 100 things, buying the first book on your to-read list, or pick up the phone to a friend.

Or carry on enjoying your empty mind, as I find my best ideas have come while I've been completely relaxed and stress-free, which is a rare state of mind for any of us these days. Practice doing it for a short time every day.

Go back to Step One of the blog and celebrate! You've done a great thing. This happiness lark is mainly just sitting about and relaxing - it's a lazy girl's dream.

Top Tip: When you write To Do lists, give equal weight to seeing your friends, watching films and reading books as you do to finishing spreadsheets, updating your CV and washing the car. A list full of boring chores is less likely to get done than one which contains hidden treats. 

Step Two - Be your own best friend

Imagine if a close friend of yours said to you "I feel really fat and ugly today". What would your response be? Would you say "Yes, that's because you're greedy and lazy?" 

I'm guessing the answer is no, of course not. You would probably sympathise, say that we all have days like that, you look great, don't be silly, etc etc.

So, what about when you look in the mirror in the morning and think to yourself "I feel really fat and ugly today". What does the little voice in your head say? It's time to find out if you're your own worst enemy.

Picture from morgueFile free photos

Be honest with yourself, and listen to what your inner voice says to you throughout the day. Do you tell yourself you're not thin enough, your hair's rubbish, you're no good at your job, or that this kind of mistake is so typical of you? 

If so, your next step to happiness is to tell the voice to shut the hell up, because it's not doing you any good. You need to be your own best friend and give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself, tell yourself you're doing your best, and learn to please yourself, rather than doing things because the voice tells you you should.

And, while we're at it, there's another voice too, and this one can be much more dangerous. This one's pretending to be your friend, but it's saying things like: I know you wanted to go to the gym today, but you've been working so hard, and you're tired, and you need to wash your hair, and there's that thing on the TV that you'll miss if you go. Everything's not so bad, just imagine, it could be worse, best not rock the boat or do anything rash. Just stay as you are, you're fine.

This voice is the one that will talk you out of taking risks, changing habits and trying something new and different. This voice is stopping you from being happy just as much as Mr Nasty on the other shoulder. And if your habits and lifestyle aren't making you happy, you need to make some changes, and not let Mr Nice talk you out of them.

As Whitney Houston once said, (although I can't sing it without sniggering): "learning to love yourself, that is the greatest love of all". But she was right, rest her soul.

Be your own cheerleader. We all make mistakes and none of us is perfect, but our imperfections make us likeable. None of your friends is perfect and you don't love them any the less for it, do you? In fact, people who are perfect are quite annoying, so why would you want to be like them? 

What are the funniest things about your friends, that makes you like them the most? I bet it's not the fact that they get up at 6am every morning and do a ten mile run is it?

I bet it's more like the time they got drunk and told your boss something really indiscreet and then fell off their chair, isn't it? Give yourself a break, and don't beat yourself up about things you say or do.

So, to summarise: Be nice to yourself, but be honest, and work out what's really bothering you, after shutting up both the voices of Mr Nice and Mr Nasty. 

Mean and cruel people are unhappy people. Make yourself happy, and you'll be a kinder person, and that will make you even happier. It's an upward spiral, but you must start with you.

Top Tip: Listen to the way you speak to yourself. Then try and work out what you'd like to be doing that you're not doing. Don't let Mr Nice talk you out of it or Mr Nasty tell you you'll never change. Just try it. Today. Now.