Step Eight - the lazy girl's guide to grooming

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I was delighted to see an article in the Evening Standard about a "growing movement" in which cool young things choose not to shave their armpits. 

In fact, the article goes on to say, there's a whole Facebook group dedicated to those who want to wear their hair au naturel - Women Against Non-essential Grooming, or WANG. Well hurrah! I might even put down the razor myself, just to see if the world stops revolving in disgust. Maybe we should all start dyeing our underarm hair, that would be fun. A lot more fun than shaving rash anyway, that's for sure.

As a lazy girl, the pressure to be constantly shaving, plucking, shaping or smoothing something is exhausting.
After years of doing the bare minimum in order to appear 'professional', I have only recently become brave enough to go to work without make-up, which is my usual state, and one which most of my friends and family would recognise as 'what I look like'.

I honestly think women would achieve so much more in the world if they weren't constantly being forced to groom themselves to within an inch of their lives. 

We are constantly told it's time to lose weight, change what our hair looks like, get a whole new wardrobe, and the right shoes of course. Frankly, who has time or money enough to follow all this advice? I'll tell you who - Liz Jones. And it hasn't exactly made her a poster girl for happiness has it?

Fashion icon Victoria Beckham, she of the 'extra half an inch' doesn't exactly strike me as a great laugh either. All her publicity is just so very self-conscious and unnatural. And as for hiding away when you're pregnant, what's that all about?

Fashion magazines expect us to work hard all year. In the spring, we are exhorted to 'get a beach body'. At Christmas, we should be starving ourselves into a little black dress for 'the party season'. Year after year, the same stories in the magazines - be thinner, spend more time on your appearance, buy new things. But don't forget to be an independent woman at the same time - you can have it all!

Bollocks. I'm outing myself now as a non-groomer. I get my hair coloured, because I truly don't think I was meant to be a natural mouse, and I like being blonder, but when it comes to plucking, shaving, straightening, removing and applying, well, as long as I smell okay, and I feel okay, then forget it. 

And after all, how do you get a bikini body? This diagram says it all ....

 

At the same time, if grooming is your thing, then go for it. I'm not anti-grooming per se, I'm anti-compulsory grooming for women. There's no shame in looking the way you look, whatever that is. All I want is a bit of choice. Don't judge me on my 'imperfectly shaped' eyebrows, or my flat shoes. 

I believe that the people who care the most about what they look like are the least interesting people, because they're no good at letting it all hang out and having fun. And with the rise of the selfie, things are getting worse and worse. You have to look good ALL THE TIME, EVERYWHERE! Well, I hope you will join me in sticking two fingers up at those who tell us it's our job to look good. Look good if you enjoy it, and if you look good naturally, then lucky you! But don't make it the law. It's too tiring.

Top tip - Take a trip to WANG on Facebook - their mission statement: WANG believes that everyone should be free from coercive gendered bodily norms and should have absolute bodily autonomy. We look forward to a day when people can present their bodies in whatever way they choose, free from political, social, and economic constraints! 

Step Seven - Happiness at Work - a thing that actually exists!

We spend a huge amount of our waking existence at work. And if you are lucky enough to enjoy your job, that's great, and you may skip to the next section, via Step One - celebrate the fact that you enjoy your job! 

But if not, read on, as so many workplaces are not happy places to be, which is a shame, and something you need to do something about.

I've recently been working with a company called Happy to help them market their Happy People courses. 
As well as being an IT training company, Happy also teaches people how to be better managers by focusing on making their staff happy. They have written a book called The Happy Manifesto, all about why happiness at work is important.

Imagine if your manager's sole focus was making you feel happy, supported and inspired every day - how would that feel?

Sounds a bit Californian doesn't it? But here are some facts that may make you realise it could work for you, and not just some whizz-kids sipping wheat-grass juice and zipping around on scooters at Google HQ in Silicon Valley.

1. Happier people are more productive. Nando's did some research to find out why some branches were more productive than others. They tested loads of different variables - location, number of staff etc, and came up with one that correlated most closely with increased production. That was: how happy staff said they were in their annual staff survey. For a while, Nando's even changed the structure of managers' bonuses so that they were based on the happiness of staff. 

2. If you'd invested in the companies voted "Best Places to Work" for the last 25 years, you'd have made much more money than if you'd simply placed your money in standard stock-market shares. See this research done by Wharton Business School in Pennsylvania. Happier workers make for more successful businesses - and this is a hard fact supported by research, not just 'a bunch of tree-hugging hippy crap' - as Cartman would say.

3. Happy staff are more likely to be loyal, flexible and a good advert for your business. They keep down the cost of recruitment, take less time off sick and are more helpful when dealing with top clients, because they genuinely want to help. Surely this is better than a room full of grumpy misanthropes, clock-watching and undermining each other to get ahead?

Sounds obvious when you look at it like that, doesn't it? So why isn't more of your manager's time spent making you happy? Slip a copy of the Happy Manifesto (you can download it for free from this link, god, I'm good to you!) to your manager, or spend some time making other people feel good - maybe by instigating a tea round, remembering someone's birthday or walking to someone's desk to personally thank them for their help, rather than sending a quick impersonal email.

You already know how things could be better at your workplace. Try pushing things in that direction, and if it's not working, think about whether that's a place you really want to work. 

The general bullying, willy-waggling buck-passing culture of most newsrooms is the reason I started my own company in the first place. I really like being in charge, but I'm not very good at sucking up to bosses, especially if I disagree with the way they're doing things. So, it was clear that since there was no chance of becoming the boss any time soon, there was only one thing for it, I had to be my own boss. And, it's one of the best things I've ever done. My company is based on my two cardinal rules:
- For clients - I will do what I say I'm going to do
- For me - I will only work with people I like, who are good at their jobs
And it seems to have worked so far, so you don't need a lot of rules, just a few that are important to you.

Top Tip: Think about going it alone
Take five minutes to think about the kind of work you'd like to do, and the kind of people you'd like to work with. You may not have the freedom to quit your job, but you may have the power to make a change internally at your place of work. Just try being nicer to the nice people for a few days - at least it'll be an interesting experiment. Let me know how it goes! And, keep passing round that Happy Manifesto.

Step Six - Accept your anxiety

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Step Six - Accept your anxiety

Almost everyone I know is anxious at the moment. I don't know if it's our age, the general misery of the winter, tube strikes and flooding, or something about the increasing complexity of life, but I believe that it is one of the most damaging conditions when it comes to your happiness.

I suffer from it myself. Every so often, I feel paralysed and frightened about the fact that I have to run my own company all by myself, unable to cope with the demands made on me by clients and colleagues, and really tempted to shut myself in my bedroom and creep under the covers, never to emerge. It passes, but when it strikes, it leaves me tearful, afraid and unable to make brave or even sensible decisions.

Like depression, anxiety can turn the world into an unfriendly and confusing place. It seems everyone is doing well except you. 

Don't believe it! We're very good at hiding our weaknesses. When you scratch the surface, there's a whole world of stresses and strains behind a person's facade. The trick is to have a few friends you can be completely honest with, and talk it through. You'll probably find out they've had the same problem at some point.

As Plato said: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” 

We are all afraid of admitting weakness, but one of the strongest things you can do is be honest about your fears. And recognising it and accepting it is half the battle to regaining your happy self.

Don't let the anxiety make you feel "everything is wrong". Instead, say to yourself "I feel anxious today" and have a think about what is making you feel like that. The chances are it's not as big as it seems at the time.

When anxiety strikes, recognise it for what it is. Be aware that it is a temporary state of stress, accept it, let it in, feel the feelings associated with it. Have a cry, or a good scream into a pillow. Go for a walk, feel the panic subsiding, take some deep breaths, come back to your normal self, and move on. Once you know that you can feel panicky and anxious and not allow it to change your course of action, it will lose its control over you.

Top Tip: Get some perspective.

When I feel helpless, it really helps me to think about how inconsequential and small my problems really are. 

Click on the link here - press start and drag the slider to the right hand side. Then slowly slide it left, and really get a sense of how small you are in the universe. Nothing you do is that important, nothing you say will have much of an effect. See the bigger picture, get some perspective, and live life bravely and positively. There's nothing you can do that will make much of an impact on the universe, so go for it and do the best you can.

Step Five - Exercise and the lazy girl

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It's New Year, and every publication on earth is urging its readers to discover a 'new you' using the methods of not eating and exercising a lot more, illustrated with photos of washboard stomachs and skinny upper arms. Sigh, how tiresome.

Of course, now we're at step five, you're already aware that there's nothing at all wrong with the old you, in fact it could be that you're feeling rather marvellous about life and hurrah to that!

But, even lazy girls have to face the facts, and the facts are:
- after a Christmas of fun and frolics, you may be feeling a little bit fuzzier around the edges
- it's no fun being overweight, as it means you have no energy to do all the fun things enjoyed by lazy girls, and none of your clothes fit any more, which is a bummer
- the science says that if you eat healthily, you live longer, and this is a GOOD THING, as how are you going to fit all the things you want to do into your happy lifetime otherwise?

So, as a lazy girl who finds exercise boring, how are we to proceed?

Firstly, as I said earlier, there is nothing wrong with the old you, so let's not start the year trying to look like those people in magazines. The very thin people are a very small part of the population, and not representative of real life. Take a look around you in a crowded place - most people don't look like that. To try to achieve that is a waste of your time, and will make you a very dull person indeed. There is nothing wrong with being normal. So, before you start, take an honest look in the mirror, or, better still, have a look at a recent photograph. Look at yourself in a non-judgemental way. Could still do with losing a couple of pounds? That's fine, and natural, and all part of our "winter plumage" as I like to call it. Let's not beat ourselves up about it, but perhaps a little music and movement is in order to knock off the soft edges.

How you go about doing this is up to you, but here's my advice, based on a lifetime of dragging myself off the sofa:

- your motivation is how good you'll feel afterwards. There is nothing like a good rest when you've deserved it by doing something energetic. To enjoy the lazy life to the utmost, get all your chores (and that includes exercise) out of the way and then have a lovely sit down, guilt-free and in the knowledge that all the day's hard work is done. There is no feeling like it. 

- use distraction techniques. Listen to your favourite upbeat music (I find the work of Muse and Hard-Fi excellent for keeping me going on the exercise bike), keep an eye on the heart-rate monitor and see if you can keep it at a certain level, or watch really bad reality TV on the video screens. Think through complex problems, make plans, plan your top ten holiday destinations, say the alphabet backwards - whatever it takes to just keep going. ON NO ACCOUNT think about the exercise you're doing, and how much it hurts, and how nice it would be to stop.

- mix it up. Walk a friend's dog, dance, cycle to the park, put the hoover round the living room, go for a brisk walk at lunchtime, or walk further to work - (that way the exercise is done before the day even starts - winner!) Take every opportunity to get up and do something - make a cup of tea for your workmates, take the stairs to the next floor instead of the lift. Get a pedometer and try to do 10,000 steps a day (it's about six miles, and it's how much we're supposed to do every day - no wonder we have an obesity problem in this country, that's loads!)

- don't overdo it. There's nothing more annoying than the gym in January - everyone puffing away doing loads of work, and then *pouf* - gone by mid-February. Exercise is for life my friends, not just for Christmas, so you need to be realistic about how much you're prepared to do, every week, forever. And then, try and work out the most fun way of getting it done.

- eat more proper food. I don't need to tell you what this means, you already know that vegetables are good for you, and cakes are not. Sugar is not your friend. Step away from the biscuits, and then you won't have to do so much of the boring exercise. It's not rocket science, but you have to be honest with yourself about your eating habits.

Top tip: If you respond well to straight talking, try Run Fat Bitch, Run, by Ruth Field - no-nonsense advice for lazy girls who'd like to look better in trousers.